We moved to Marrakech, that fabled and exotic city. I had photography work opportunities flying at me, countless projects on the table, and so many different creative directions I could pursue. It all looked SO GOOD. But when it was quiet in the evenings up on our roof terrace, listening to the haunting 'call to prayer' in the heart of that emotionally confronting city, that I finally realised why everything I’d turned my hand to had slipped through my fingers like Saharan sand.

The ghosts of those who were afraid of my different way of seeing the world. 

The echos of those who found it easier to mock and dismiss my creativity. 

Their voices chipping away at my self-belief. 

On top of that, I even heard my voice saying they were right. 

That it was better not to try than risk failing again.

All the shitty self-talk was stopping me from moving forward. Here's what I heard in my head...

Here's how it went down for me.

I could suddenly see that all the amazing creative opportunities I’d missed, the emails I’d failed to return, the appointments I’d screwed up, were actually all self-sabotage. Because long ago, I’d stopped trusting myself to deliver on my promises. I had started to believe deep down in my soul that I would screw up. Under all the Instagram glamour, I was still a little girl who’d been told... 

"You look like a mess, your desk looks like a mess, you never hand your work in on time. You’ll never make a success of your life." All the years of being shamed and derided for my creative idiosyncrasies had gone deep down into my soul. While as an adult, everyone else thought I was a creative powerhouse, I still believed I was doomed to failure.

I knew this cycle was not going to change until I did. It felt like a life or death moment, and that’s when a memory came back to me. When I was just 21 years old, I’d been traveling in Malawi, Africa. The small boat I’d been paddling had capsized, and there I was in the dark night sea, wind and waves crashing in my face. As the raw panic faded, the reality of the situation hit me. I considered my two choices. I could give up now. It was dark, and I was possibly miles from shore. I could disappear into the deep velvety darkness below, and that would be that. Or, I could try and stay alive. I thought about my mother, who just six months before had suddenly lost my father. I thought about how unbearable this new loss would be for her. So I decided to try. I picked the two brightest stars to navigate by, and I goddamn swam.

What happened next?

And so, as I had all those years ago in a faraway sea, I goddamn swam away from all the negative voices in my head.

And little by little, all the pieces started to fall into place.

At university, I studied for a degree in Eastern Philosophy, so I started there by reading everything Zen Buddhism and Taoism had to say about creating a mental framework for a highly creative brain. I endlessly trawled, learning all I could about having a highly creative brain. I listened to hundreds of podcasts about those who performed at the very highest levels, the levels where deeply understanding your brain and mind and body become vital. What I discovered was 'Mindset.' Eureka!

Back then, Mindset Theory was only being taught in areas where having consistent mental peak performance was considered vital. If you were a hotshot entrepreneur or played a high-performance sport, 'Mindset' was worth investing in because of the vast amount of money at stake in those industries. I realised this same vital knowledge could transform the working of the highly creative mind, help channel its abilities, give it a framework. I learned ‘Mindset Coaching’ was just what we highly creatives cats need, especially the ones like me who’d had a whole lifetime of being told we were different and therefore wrong, and would most likely fuck it up somehow. 

I invested in myself. And while studying mindset with the top coaches in the high-performance sports world, who had taught the gaw’dam bosses at Microsoft FFS, I also uncovered many other amazing secrets about the link between cognitive ability, sports, and exercise. What I discovered blew the roof off my world. And then put it back on straight again. Probably for the first time ever. 

I stopped blaming my mind for being so useless and disorganized. I stopped feeling like a victim of my neurochemistry. I had turned a key in a lock, and behind that door, I found more productivity and life satisfaction than I could have ever believed was possible.
 
I started confidently taking on work, bigger and bigger jobs, and nailing them, delivering kickass results on time, every time. I started believing I could do whatever I put my mind to. 

Because I could. 

And then it hit me, and my heart broke. I thought of all those highly creative souls who had finally given up in the face of always being knocked back, being told they were lazy or crazy, or just simply not enough. I wondered how many creative geniuses had been crushed by a simple, easily fixable inability to get their thoughts organized?

That’s when I started to change the way I thought about the creative brain.

So now I’m on a mission to spread what I learned. What I want more than anything is to give you the tools, the framework, the ability to channel your creative power, and the mindset tools to undo the bad stuff left behind by a life of being misunderstood. I want you to move forward with the good stuff you were lucky enough to be born with.

You and your creativity are a gift to the world. Your unique fire deserves to shine out like a beacon. 

Let's make that happen together! 

And that's why I’m here, why I care. Because I was so SO nearly that kid, that adult, that creative that got left behind.